Blogging hasn't been at the top of my priority list lately, but before I let it go forever, I'd like to commemorate at least two big events that have recently occurred. As I've said before, it's nice to be able to look back on these blog posts and remember the little things that seem at the time I will never forget.
On March 30, our sweet Marie turned three years old. In many ways, she seems eight already, so it's not terribly surprising that she is three now. This last year has been one of tremendous growth and new challenges when it comes to Marie, and it's impossible for me to know how much of it was just being two and how much of it was due to being a new big sister, but whatever the reasons (most certainly, some of both), we experienced some extremely high highs and some rather low lows. It was certainly the hardest year of my life, but also the most full of love. It was a hard transition for me--going from one baby to two--and it took a bit longer than I expected to feel more or less in control of life again. I spent much of it tired and a bit overwhelmed, but I also spent it truly happy and with a heart full of love for my sweet little girls.
Marie is a strong person. She has a strong heart that loves intensely and sweetly, a strong mind that creates and imagines and learns tirelessly, and an extremely strong will that challenges and tests and asserts until her poor mommy almost can't take it any more (and then her sweet heart jumps in and melts mine...). We consider all of these attributes to be positive--there will be many, many times in her life that her strong will will undoubtedly rescue her from bad decisions, and we certainly don't want to "break" it in any way. But we do want to help shape it and mold it in the right ways, and that is an exhausting task at times.
That being said, it is impossible to emphasize how sweet Marie is. She has the most tender heart and she loves so purely. Over and over again, we are amazed by her sweetness and heart. She is an amazing person in that way, with a true gift from God.
Her imagination has gone wild, too. She is so creative, so funny, so unafraid to make believe and play in all the best ways. She spends her days singing, dancing and pretending in the most jovial fashion, always immersed 110% in whatever she is doing, and always ready to jump in and learn something or experience something new. Her world is expanding quickly and she is a sponge, soaking up every last detail that she sees, hears and experiences. She notices everything, listens to everything and remembers everything. And at some point, she brings all those things back to the surface to try to figure out how they fit into her world.
It's an honor to be Marie's mommy. It's a gift to spend my days with her, to witness her as she grows and becomes who she is going to become. I wouldn't trade it for anything, no matter how tired or frustrated or burnt out I sometimes feel. I simply cannot imagine anything more fulfilling than being with her and loving her. I only pray that I may love her as she deserves and help fill her days with the joy she brings to me. She is a beautiful gift from God.
Here are some pictures from her third birthday. We were lucky enough to have Grandma and Grandpa Schweiss visiting for the girls' birthdays and we celebrated them each several times. The days were full of excitement and joy , and though there were presents to be had, we actually did a very good job of keeping the focus on people more than things and celebrating who Marie and Clara are, rather than what they got. At the end of Marie's birthday, she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I love you more than I can. You are my live." I cannot imagine a better gift for me; I feel exactly the same, Sweet Girl.
On the Saturday between their birthdays, we had a birthday party for both girls. Both sets of grandparents and Uncle Ben were there. It was an awesome party! Because Marie and Clara were the only kids (except when our friends stopped by for a few minutes), all of the attention was on them and it was wonderful. Marie led us in party games and fulfilled her dreams of playing ring around the rosy a million times with everyone playing. We all wore party hats and had a birthday egg hunt, so Marie was pretty darn happy. It was fun and relaxed and a really wonderful time.
In closing, I will share a poem that I wrote about Marie on her birthday:
You crashed in like a breaking wave
that flooded deep my soul,
life and fear and joy and pain
filled up a hidden hole.
Within my deepest self I found
I hadn't known at all
how best to love or live or give,
how best to be so small.
You brought his hands, his eyes, his heart,
that I might know him true.
And still I'm pointed to the truth
through every step with you.
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