Marie at Four and a Half

It's hard to believe that Marie is nearing five years old... Five seems like a real kid to me, so I am going to cherish this last six months with her as a "little one."

Marie is an incredible little girl. She has quite the imagination, memory and thirst for knowledge. She often laments to us in a desperate tone, "I just want to learn everythingggg!" And I believe that she does. We've started homeschooling and going to a homeschool co-op two days a week and she absolutely loves it. She asks me all throughout the day to do more homeschooling, and is completely delighted when I explain that we are always learning new things even when we are not sitting down for "school." She learned the word, "hypothesis" from Dinosaur Train, and now she makes hypotheses every day. She's so observant and thoughtful about the way the world works, that she's almost always right, too. And when she's not, her thought process is impressive nonetheless. I love that she's constantly pondering, considering, and trying to grasp as much as possible.

She is ready for whatever comes her way and doesn't think there is anything she cannot do. She's adventurous and tough and excited about life. She loves to help, and she works so hard and cares so much, that she actually is helpful! Chopping vegetables, cleaning the house, helping Clara get dressed, entertaining the baby, moving the woodpile, raking the pine needles...she's a big helper to Mommy and Daddy. Of course, there are times when she apparently can't move her legs or is so tired that she has to fall over, and at those times, she's no help at all (this usually happens when it's time go somewhere and we are rushing, or it's time to get ready for bed, of course). It's wonderful to truly have a "big girl" now, who is caring and thoughtful and helpful.

Marie loves to play make believe, and a good portion of the day, she is leading Clara in some make-believe game or off in some other world of her own, chatting away to imaginary people. Though she certainly takes charge in her games with Clara, she's a benevolent leader for the most part (though perhaps a little too enthusiastic at times). She's sweet and thoughtful, always trying to help Clara and having little conversations with her about how she wants to play. It's so sweet to listen to and watch them when they don't know they are being watched. And it's a testament to Marie that Clara loves playing with her so much. Clara rarely wants time away from Marie, and if we ever go somewhere without her, she'll continue to ask, "Ma-rwee??" She is truly a beloved big sister.

Marie is incredibly creative in both her games and art. She comes up with her own "projects" using just about anything she can find around the house or outside. She's always sticking rocks or scraps of paper or sticks in my bag to take home and "use for a project." I love seeing what she comes up with, because even if the end product is something that I will eventually throw away, it's always surprisingly creative and shows us that her little mind never stops inventing and growing.

Marie is a passionate girl and seeks to know herself. She's emotional (don't know where she got that...) and wears her heart on her sleeve. This is a good thing, and shows the beauty of her soul so clearly, but it can be challenging, too, as she has a hard time not getting upset about things that are disappointing to her. We're in a stage of frequent meltdowns any time we need to leave somewhere, which is frustrating and exhausting for me. But I know it's because she feels so strongly, and I try to be patient and help her grow through it all. When she has a rough time, she thinks long and hard (much too long and hard usually) about why she feels the way she does, and sometimes even an hour later, she will tell us, "I think I feel that way because..." or "I think I was just upset because..." It reminds me so much of myself and I realize that we sometimes butt heads because we are, indeed, incredibly similar.

Above all, Marie has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She simply loves so sweetly. She adores her little sisters. She adores her daddy. She adores her grandma. She loves everyone. She's always making gifts for people, thinking of ways to make people happy, offering her toys for her little sisters to bring them joy. She's thoughtful and sweet and kind. She just has a beautiful, pure heart.

There is so much more about her that I could write, like how goofy she is, how she's strangely terrifies of taking band-aids off despite being really tough about things like cracking her chin open, how she wants to be the conductor of an orchestra and ballerina and superhero when she grows up, how she loves collecting rocks and sticks, how she complains the whole way up a hike only to proclaim at the end that she "loves hiking so much and wants to hike every day!" She's just a delightful mix of things that can't all possibly be written down.

When it comes to Marie, I have so many intense emotions. As our first child, we are constantly learning and making mistakes with her. And we expect so much from her, especially because she is very mature. She's a challenge not because she's difficult, but because she's so fully alive, and it's hard to keep up with that and know what to do with it--hard to know how to nurture her, challenge her, help her grow, and just let her be. Marie is a beautiful, incredible soul, and Tony and I know how blessed we are to be able to live our lives with her by our side.